Dudley 'The Giant'

Dudley buys a bed

When Dudley woke up, he sneezed. He sneezed so loudly that a spider, who at that moment was minding his own business, fell off the ceiling and into Dudley’s nose.

You might think that this was an extraordinary thing to happen, but of course you might have forgotten that Dudley is a giant and therefore his nose is enormous. Not enormous for a giant, but enormous for an ordinary person like me.

The spider was shocked. My goodness, he thought. It’s dark in here and something tells me that this is a very tricky situation, possibly dangerous. I must leave as quickly as possible. He saw the light at the end of Dudley’s nose and ran towards it. At this moment Dudley sat up in bed and sneezed again. Because of the tickling in his nose this second sneeze was even more violent than the first and it blew the running spider across the room onto the bedroom curtain.

For several minutes the spider stayed quite still in an effort to compose himself and come to terms with his involuntary flight. He was a young spider and the events of the morning had confused him horribly. He had always thought that spiders were well suited to space travel, and though he knew that not many spiders had become astronauts, he decided that he had, perhaps, been selected for initial training. Optimistically, he decided to return to his web on the ceiling where he intended to wait in the hope of further instructions.

This story is not about spiders but I thought that you would like to know a little bit about this spider because his experience was so unusual. This story is really about Dudley and his bed. The important thing is that after he had finished sneezing, Dudley said ‘My back is really sore. I need a new bed. First breakfast, then shopping.’

Usually, Dudley has Weetabix for breakfast; 48 of them, a whole family pack; but, as he was going into town and might miss his lunch, he decided to have a little extra. He toasted a loaf and, cutting it in half, he covered it in butter and a jar of gooseberry jam.

After breakfast Dudley went to the shops. I don’t know how he got there. The travel arrangements of giants are mysterious. One minute they are here the next minute they are somewhere else. They are too big to get on buses. Maybe they walk. Probably they walk quite quickly because they are so big.

At 10 o’clock Dudley arrived at the Retail Park. He was too big to go into the bed shop, so he knelt down and pressed his face against the glass door. Unfortunately, the act of kneeling, so soon after 48 Weetabix and a loaf of bread, had a disturbing effect on his bottom. A large ‘woosh’ of wind (giants sometimes call this a trump), blew several unsuspecting people across the car park. Some of them were blown through shop doorways. People were staggering around with handkerchiefs pressed against their noses. Some of them tried to shout at Dudley but the smell was so bad they quickly covered their faces. It was all very embarrassing though Dudley didn’t seem to notice.

‘I want to buy a bed please’ he said.

The manager of the bed shop was nervous. Dudley’s face filled the doorway.

‘ I don’t think that we’ve got a bed big enough for you.’ Said the manager.

‘Could you make one?’

‘Just a minute.’ The manager went into his office and closed the door. ‘What shall we do?’ he thought. He was quite frightened because he’d never seen a giant before, but he did want to do the right thing. He did want to sell the biggest bed that had ever been made. Suddenly he had a good idea.

‘We will carry beds outside into the car park and push them together so that we can make one great big bed. Then we can measure it.’

It was a lovely day. The people who worked in the shop carried out beds. Eight of them, 10 of them, 12 of them; not enough. More and more. 24 beds. Everyone was tired with the effort. Dudley was tired as well. He lay down on the huge bed and fell asleep.

Everybody said ‘What shall we do now?’

Dudley was snoring. Have you ever heard a giant snore? It’s much louder than you might think. It’s a very deep burbly sort of sound. It’s so loud that sometimes birds fall out of the trees. Ordinary people, I mean people who are not giants, have to put their hands over their ears.

Everyone came out of the shops to see what was happening. Some people were taking photographs with their phones. One or two of them who were very brave, sat on the edge of the bed quite close to Dudley and took selfies!

I was in the car with my mum and dad. We had finished our shopping and we were waiting to go home but we couldn’t get out of the car park because of the beds. My dad was getting inpatient.

‘This is ridiculous. We can’t get out. It’s not just us, it’s everyone. They shouldn’t allow giants to shop on Saturday. Someone needs to sort this out!’

‘Calm down dear’, said Mum. ‘I’m sure that we won’t be waiting for very long.’

Dad was really upset. He began to blow the horn. Soon everybody was doing it. Horns blowing everywhere.

Suddenly Dudley woke up. He rubbed his eyes and looked around.

‘This bed is lovely’ he said. ‘Please make one for me’, then he said ‘Why are the horns blowing?’

‘Because the cars can’t get out.’

Dudley stood up. Everyone jumped back because he was so big.

‘I can help.’ He said.

He was very strong, and though it wasn’t easy he picked up the nearest motorcar and lifted it over the top of the beds and put it down near the exit. I could hear people shouting inside. He picked up a second car and did the same thing.

Then it was our turn. We felt the car rise into the air. Dad went very quiet. The driver’s window was open. Dudley’s eye looked in at us. ‘Hello’ he said, I’ve just bought a bed and now I’m going home for my dinner.’ Mum said ‘That’s very nice.’ Dad didn’t say anything. I looked out of the window. We were high up.

‘Where are you going?’

My mum said ‘Through town.’

‘OK’, said Dudley. ‘I’ll put you down pointing in the right direction.’

He put us down very gently and we drove home. Nobody said much. I liked Dudley. I thought he was kind. I wonder what he has for dinner.